Five Things I Learned When I Stopped Letting Social Media Rule My Life
Dougie’s warm little body stirred next to me in the bed as I stretched out wide like a starfish in the pitch black room. Without opening my eyes, my hand fumbles around in the dark for the phone amongst the sheets. I feel the ice cool screen on the palm of my hand and like a cowboy drawing his gun in a dual at dawn, my thumb finds the little circle and the screen bursts to life in front of my groggy, still half-asleep-face in milliseconds.
As if I have drunk 10 tequilas I squint at the white, glowing screen. Magically, the app Instagram opens.
The little heart at the bottom of the screen lights up - 40 likes, 3 comments, a couple of unread messages - are what love hearts mean to me now.
I scroll quickly down my timeline looking…just looking. Nothing is inspiring, or entertaining, or interesting. Dissatisfied, I close it and open Facebook.
There are a few notifications, a couple of people had commented on a post I wasn’t interested in, but for some reason Facebook wanted me to know about it.
I closed Facebook and open Twitter. One retweet, a few likes. I scroll the timeline, catching an argument on behaviour management in schools and a guy I’ve never met rant about a delayed train.
I begin to spiral.
“What is the point of it all?”
Dougie sensing the mood shift gets up to cuddle up nearer my neck. The room is still dark. I check the time on the phone.
5.30am.
Fuck.
I’ve got a problem.
I decided I need to make a change so I did five simple things to stop social media ruling my life. This is what I learnt.
I got creative
I was horrified to find my screen time was averaging 5-6 hours per day. Over the course of the week I spent, on average, 32 hours on my phone. 13 hours were dedicated to social media, the rest was a mix of Google Maps (I use it as a SatNav), WhatsApp, Netflix and reading/researching on Safari.
The scary thing is, I wasn’t using my phone in a solid block of 5 hours but it was rather, tiny, regular checks built up to an entire working day. It was so subtle I didn’t even notice I was wasting 5-6 hours per day and 32 hours per week on an inanimate object.
After I began managing my time on my phone and specifically, social media, I suddenly had so much more time.
I wrote 2 chapters for my book, I experimented with my photography, even dappled with a little filming, I edited my first video, I read more, I designed new pages for the website, and I brainstormed ideas for the Happylands that will take it in new directions.
2. It is a habit, not an addiction.
I found my screen time alarming. Could I be addicted? I decided to find out.
The good news is Dr Mark Griffiths believes very few people are genuinely addicted to social media. However, many people’s social media use is habitual and it can start to spill over into other areas of their lives and be problematic, even dangerous such as, checking social media while driving.
Other behaviours like checking social media while eating out with friends or constantly checking your phone while watching a movie at the cinema, may be indicative of problematic social media use.
Habits can be changed, so following digital detox strategies like the ones I’ve outlined here can help. Phew!
3. My mood improved
It could all be psychosomatic of course, but I definitely noticed a shift in my mood and so did those around me. I was less distracted, less irritable, and more relaxed. Whether we like it or not social media can affect our mental health.
4. I reconnected with my friends
“I love watching your instagram stories,” is a typical message I get from my mates, “Good! I would hate to be boring!” was my usual reply before we moved onto dissecting the latest Backstreet Boys album (it’s good, but nothing will beat ‘Never Gone’).
I chat to my family and friends away from social media most days, but how they kept up to date about my travels was through Instagram. But as I was posting less I found I would message friends directly with photos or jokes, and would FaceTime them more too. I liked how it felt. I think they liked it too.
5. I like social media
I do genuinely like social media especially, Instagram.
I’ve made so many wonderful connections with wonderful people, that when I saw a message pop up from one of them, I would smile as if it was an old friend. I am constantly learning new things by following therapists and activists. I find it a place of inspiration and community.
For me, social media wasn’t the problem, it was how I was using it. A few tweaks to get myself back in the driving seat has made a world of difference.
6. None of it matters
When you die no one is going to say “They had 10,000 followers and a consistent engagement rating of 5%”
Life is created and remembered through moments, adventures, and achievements.
The likes, follows, comments in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter. To find your worth, independent of external validation, you have to find your purpose. Mine is learning, discovering, exploring and helping others.
I lost sight of that for a little while but after regulating my phone time, I found it again, and that means I can go back to focusing on the the things that really matter.
